new beginnings {reagan}

[xander michale roth]

today xander was taking a trip from the military base to honolulu has he had some time off. It had been awhile since he had made the trip over, the last time he had been visiting his sister whlie she was throwing a party he went too. he tried to get over to honolulu has much as he could, he thought about renting an apartment so that he could be close to his family, and be around for more things. Right now he was stuck living into the military base. It was hard to hide his addiction there as it would be much easier if he had his own place. When he got back he would have to look into it. He had wanted to pick out some new music for those quiet times alone. He remembered the store in the mall he use to hang around with he was younger. Those times had been different, to say the least they had been better then the years that would follow. Xander had never taken his father's death well, he had keep all his feelings in and it had led him down a road of hell. He had never been able to pull himself out of that. Going over sea's hadn't helped, what he saw over there..

he shook his head, clearning his thoughts as he pulled his truck to a stop as the light truned red. The trip from the ferry that ran arcoss the islands, as the Marine base was on one of the many islands around Hawaii, honolulu was about a 20 min drive, on a good day. The light truned green and xander pulled his truck into gear and headed down the road. Even though he didn't come over here much he still remembered where everything was in honolulu. Of course things had changed over the years, the mall had grown bigger and new and old shops were coming and going. He pulled into the over corwarded parking lot of the mall and after a few moment he finally found a parking spot. he truned the truck off and stuffed the key in his pocket, turning he closed the door behind him and started to walk towards the main entercane of the mall. Of course there were alot of people inside. It was alittle different then he last remembered, then again it had been awhile since he had been here. He asked a mall cop walking by where the mall map was, and after the man pointed it out xander walked over to have a look. The music store was up on the next level, to the stairs it was.

it didn't take him long to reach the second level of the mall, having the map image in his head he followed it and in no time he spotted the music store. seeing it brought back alot of meroies of when he use to come here alot during his younger years. then he had loved and enjoyed music more on a different level then now. music had helped him experss some of his feelings and anger. Now the only thing that drowned out his depression and anger was drinking and drugs. he hadn't even song in almost two or three years. he didn't have the engery to even try and pick himself back up again, what was the point, he was so far down anyway. he entered the store and looked around, spotting the section that he liked. he stopped infront of some cd's and started flipping through the different one there, hoping he might find one that he liked.

tag; reagan
words; idk
notes; hope thats ok!

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[reagan jean sawyer]

The death of Reagan's mother had shook Reagan's thirteen year old self all those years ago. Fortunately for Reagan, she managed to grieve and begin a new life in Honolulu with her father and brother, who had been her source of support before, during and after that terrible time in their lives. She managed to use music as a way to express herself and vent out all the anger and sorrow that had been forced upon her after not only losing her mother, but her best friend and role model. Her music had become her life, consuming her as it comforted her and reassured her that everything would be alright, that she would be alright.

Reagan had managed to get through high school, even though she had proven all her life to be more street smart than book smart. She had the opportunity to go to college, but knew in her heart that if she didn't give her music a serious go (with the band that she had formed with her brother in high school) at least once, she would regret it forever. So with her fathers blessing, Reagan's life became revolved around her music while she continued on with her job at the record store in the mall to pay the bills once she had moved out of home.

It was just another day at the record store and while her workmates served customers behind the counter, Reagan was restocking the shelves, making sure all the music was categorized correctly and that the CDs were all in alphabetical order by the artist's name. As she moved along the aisles, her eyes fell upon a familiar face. As she could recall, his name was 'Xander' and she had only met him once through his sister who had recently become a new friend of hers. Although he had been rather quiet when they had met, he hadn't been unfriendly, so when their eyes met in the record store, Reagan offered him a smile. "Hi." She greeted simply. "Xander isn't it?" She asked to confirm her new acquaintance's name.

[xander michale roth]

the death of his father had shook xander to the core. he never got over it, like many other people who go through this kind of thing make it through the sadness and moe on to a better and wonderful life. xander hadn't been on of those peeople. one thing just keep adding on top of the others and pushed him deeper and deeper in depression and other things. with no one to talk to, he just keep it all in and found that music helped with some of the feelings he wanted to express. but with no one to help him through it all xander truned to the one thing that did pull him through. addiction. yes it was hard to say or admit he had a problem, but once you start you can't stop. he hadnt been able to tell her mother or his siblings about the way he felt so he truned to things that would drown out the pain.

if the loss of his father had just been the frist time, his mother remarring was the second and when his step father fround out xander's rebeling, if you wanted to call it that, he was sent to become a man. really it had just made matters worse, what he saw over there, the things he had to do, drove the man into a black hole. when he came back from over seas that when the worse of the addiction started, and he couldn't stop. he couldn't face his family or tell them what was going on. as if he hadn't already been a dispointment well now he was a even bigger disappointment, so he didn't see his family much only for specail times like birthdays and parties. other then that xander spent his time on the base alone. thats how he had spent his whole life alone.

this was the first time in along time that he had gotten away from the base and came back to town. so a trip to the music store was in order. he still used music as comfort from time to time, he just as lost the spark to start singing again, no one really knows he use to do it anywhere, it's a part of his past that hadn't been revisited in many years. as he flipped through some cd's he happened to look up and met the graze of someone in the music store. he tried to remember where he had seen her face before and then he remembered he had seen her during a party that aly had not so long ago. "Hey", he said back to her when she said hi. he nodded his head, "Ya, Reagan right? you were at my sister's party". he hope that was right, xander never really talked to many people at his sister's parties, he just went to please his sister, but he did remember seeing her there.

[reagan jean sawyer]

Things had never been truly the same since her mothers death, but Reagan was grateful for what she did have and to be able to have a fresh start. The move to Honolulu had not only benefited herself, but also her father and brother who had equally been affected by the grief that came with losing someone close to you. She found herself missing her mother even now, but there was also a sense of acceptance that had etched itself into her brain. It was true that her mother had left them, but Reagan was one to make sure her mother lived through her and her memories.

Being a musician, people were often surprised when they realized that Reagan wasn't much of a party girl. That's not to say that she was a goody two shoes, she simply viewed consuming mass amounts of alcohol and drugs to be pointless. Despite being a free spirit, she hated being out of control unless it was simply through spontaneity through her own doing. She knew how to gain highs out of life without having to consume a substance to do so and was usually content with having a couple of beers with the boys if she did decide to drink.

Of course, attending friends parties was something that Reagan found acceptable to take part in, because she knew that she would most likely be surrounded by people she could trust. She believed that parties should be about appreciating music, connecting with old friends and meeting new ones. In her mind, parties weren't an excuse to make a fool of yourself and have it justified simply because you were 'really drunk' or an excuse to degrade yourself and others around you. Those kinds of parties weren't Reagan's idea of fun at all.

Alyssa's party had proved to be a good opportunity to meet a few new people within Honolulu and Xander was one of them. When he confirmed his name, Reagan was pleased with herself for having such a good memory, but was even more impressed when he remembered her name. "Nice one, you remembered my name. Most people I first meet tend to call me Megan or something along those lines." She replied with a smile, her eyes dancing with a hint of playfulness. "What brings you to this part of town? You seeking out some sick tunes or what?" She offered casually, that usually wouldn't be appropriate with dealing with customers. However, her laid back attitude merely meant that Reagan was comfortable with her present company.

[xander michale roth]

when his father passed on, xander became a totally diffrent then the little boy everyone knew him to be. while the rest of the family got over the death of there father, xander couldn't handle it. his mother ended up remarring some guy, and of course xander didn't take a liking to that, who could blame the boy, his father died and now this new man was replacing his father, so he rebeled, as his step father called it. really it was just the only way xander could express how he was feelings about everything. he could tell his siblings or his mother want was going on or how he was feeling, becuase he didn't see any of them feeling the same thing and didn't want to be a disppointment, look how well that truned out.

the only parties he really went too, were when him and his buddies from the base went out to the bar to have a few drinks, or more as he sometimes did. of course at his sister's parties, xander tried so hard not to drink that much, he didn't want his sister to see he had a problem, and those times were hard. any time he didn't drink over the top or shot up drugs was a tough time. it was the release stage and during those times when he couldn't get any drugs or drinks, he would find himself going through more smokes then he would normally and eating alot of food, more then the normal person would in a day. anything to crave the addiction. he wanted to stop, he wanted to find another way to deal with his troubles.

he hadn't found another way to drown out his pain. every single day was a struggle. most people truned the other way when they found out who xander was now, he needed to find someone who would accept his dark side and try and bring back the old xander. he always tried not to drink alot or do drugs around people he called friends, he just wasn't comfortable doing it and he didn't want anyone finding out. thats why he hadn't told his family about the problems with the addictions becuase he was scared they would only see disappointment and any other feelings they had and xander didn't think he could handle seeing the looks on there faces, it would just push him off the deep end and more into his addiction.

he only went to alyssa's every so often. half the time he was working on the base. there was talk about xander going back on active duty so that would mean another trip over seas. he didn't want to think about that right now but it was in the back of him mind. he smiled when she was shocked he even remembered her name. "Well lets just say I have had alot of practice remembering things". part of his military training was to remember pretty much everything. so when it came to remembering places, faces and names xander keep them in the back of his mind. "I can call you Megan from now on if you like", he said chucking lightly. he grinned, "Thought I would take a day away from work and get some new music to add to the ones I already have. Any good ones?", he asked her, since she did work here he thought Reagan might know of some new good music out there, becuase some times it was just plain crap or boring.